When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
