You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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