I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
