This girl is more easily done than said...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
