This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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