first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
