i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
