i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
only if we run a train.
done.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
