I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
