i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
