just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
