so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
