that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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