That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
