Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
