Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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