I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
