lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
