escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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