I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
