i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she told me i tasted like america
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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