the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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