ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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