half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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