I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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