What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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