um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
