It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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