I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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