Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
