She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
