now i know why i became what i already was.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
