now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i came on her dog
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
