He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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