I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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