i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
