The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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