If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
