i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
