How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
