just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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