I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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