hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
