I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
they need to just BURY HIM!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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