Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
