she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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