please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
