Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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