Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
