he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Nobody cheats on THIS.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
